Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
