Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize