i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize