This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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