You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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