Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
