this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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