I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
