The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
