that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
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Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
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Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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