Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
my liver is dry heaving
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
