the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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