I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
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My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
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dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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