if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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