Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
