I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
