i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
