I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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