Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
