So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
