The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
