woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
