Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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