Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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