Can Purell be used as lube?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
