Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
