Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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