somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
