Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
