Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
