youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
