He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
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