I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
