I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
