I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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