You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
