The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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