They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
