I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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