I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
How drunk are you?
Completed.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
