y did u give ur computer a hand job?
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
