i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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