She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
