I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
