they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
