if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
