jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
