He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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