I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
