is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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