Whod you bang
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
