My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
