Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Someone signed my nipple.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
