1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
