the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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