here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
