I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
