Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
vagina is talking i cant
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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