whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
