cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
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