Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
