Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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