I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
