So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
