dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize